Friday, May 11, 2007
how ridiculous. the last time i posted was almost a year ago.
we all look super different from the photos up here.
especially us girls. the guys were old to begin with and they've only gotten rounder
how sad, chitern's theory that girl lawyers start to look haggard faster than guy lawyers begins even before we actually get our first pay.
in an awfully reflective mood now. (all thanks to ben, he always has 'reflecting sessions')
and im quite sad now. cos it feels like that past one year. up till today. has been mostly shit.
and its worse cos most of the shit was my own fault (for not studying.)
which leads me to the question of why do results matter so much. besides the fact that my parents have much larger holes in their pockets compared to what they would have if i stayed in singapore.)
and although i don't want to get so uptight about results and grades. im still shit scared for the upcoming exams
another major negative probably has to be growing up. growing up never has good connotations for me. it means becoming jaded, wary, ugly(inside, possibly outside), selfish. turning 21 is not a big deal to me at all. besides being a reason to throw a party. i don't mind reliving 15 again.
okay, so now my brain has taken a turn for a more optimistic mood. and now it says that the past year seems bad because more often than not we moan about the bad things and overlook the blessings in our life.. so. lemme see how the past year has been good...
(1) im more hardworking this year. and grades count this year. (although if i do shittily it'll also mean that i'll be doubly sad.)
(2) i've learnt to be (more) fake. though in positive-speak its called 'not being so in your face.' okay. that doesn't sound that much better. ah whatever. its supposed to be essential in the adult world. oh joy.
(3) i know the people who'll always support me. never put me down. pick me up when i've fallen. for that i'm grateful. to the nasty ones. i say screw off.
(4) the bf's spending 7 months away from home and a lot of $ to be with me.
(5) im not as estranged from my friends back home as i thought i would be. thank goodness for emails, smses, calls.
(6) every moment back home. is treasured.
somehow despite having 6 good things and 2 (major) bad things. the overall feeling is negative.
ah well. don't mind me. its pre exam negativity.
grace scribbled at 7:06 pm
